thirudathirudi78.rediffiland.com/
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For one day...
Stop.. Ya , it must have been.. should have done this earlier. Night.. just alone.. sitting in the very deep feelings.. Everything is quiet. And when around is quiet , no sound, silent compeletely.. that is really the time of heavy, thats the time.. feeling solitary best. Weak and full of reproach.. Feelings of stuffy,uncomfortable ..concerns, sadness..can not throw them out. Try to have heart and feelings comfortably.. but still cannot.. If only.. didnt afraid too much. If only ..could ignore unreasonable gossips, struggle to all to rise.. only..could forget unlucky things in life to live happy. Hatre.. man sheart is bad.. Blamed to myself coz not have brave enough to rise or feel discontented , feel sad when be ignored and left ?alone by someone dont know how is hatred in me.No , but how I can hate I have no right to hate them. Feeling of lost equilibrium. So oppresive as. Is it necessary that our ego or something else more to keep my heart not to cry, not cry out ??!! ? Rain. I dont like wet. but I like raindrops..Raindrops sometimes are soft sometimes hurry. All of all seem to stop for a while, calm down, vague. All seem like never ever been the truth. Wanna find. Wanna blame, reproach.Wanna keep.Wanna cry on someone s shoulder. Wanna a minute of tranquillity. But all just be desire.. Dont know why now I often think of something happened. all things, people, matters.obsession make me tired and more weak. Sometimes there are something make us smile , happy when think of them again. I feel throbbing pain in my heart.. Some times I suddenly recognize and feel fear coz I remembered too many things which I shouldnt ?and neednt to remember.Sometimes thought that ya I could forget, I am happy and I can do all, am strong but it seems not Manytimes I asked myself why have to bear all like that, why I myself make me sorrow always, then just get empty and tired and misery in heart only ..just myself only, noone else Sometimes felt that it seems like living in a dream, but is nightmare and tried to wake up but couldnot , cannot .? Live , exist or not ? Asked myself and maybe must decide for this life ,die or contunie to live or else or still be like this Life with me become really meaningless and I also lost the beliefs from someone, I also made many people sad and disappointed by me although I compeletely didnt mean. Really noone can understand me, and I also no need. Tried, Couldnt..try to live a meaningful life but cannot. I am useless, worthless Lately at Night . Open mobile fone, search messages again. Ya , just replied messages, always has kept them.. Feel something remain in heart, Yes da.Just replied my messages. maybe. even never ever required? after my health. but ..donnot know why they has meaningful to me much like that "my family still fine..my mother is fine..I just gone to drink with friends" or" I like to eat ruou nep coz wanna keep traditions or just a normal sentence but had meaning with me much u know? .. why u often change ur work? Not good lah or hallo,I just come back from office, all? day tired it is raining lah...... U know I will keep all of them the messages, how I can delete them da? How I can do? With u, all is normal only, but they mean the world to me , when I see ur messages I could continue to try to live and pass through the spasms of pain of disease . ? Time gradually goes by, it is going day by day..Everything still coming and leaving also..Remember and forget..Miss and forget.. Still be like that.. Thuy ( Diary 5th,August,2008 )
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Happy Independence's Day
Today is the Independence 's Day of my country. All the best to everybody my dear Vietnamese people!!! :-)
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Sometimes...
Sometimes.. Standing among the streams of people quietly.. wanna continue to go.. step by step on my foot but..heart wanna stay.. Sometimes.. listen a song.. felt it seems like telling about me ..why it was sad like that ..why it was too bitter.. Sometimes.. I felt ..desire a tranquil soul.. a quiet of feeling in my heart.. Sometimes..wanna see the truth.. look in the face..but.. was afraid that truth had made me hurt much more.. Sometimes..miss someone very very much, but ..so sad then coz know very well that they didnt think about me , never ever .. Sometimes.. wanna cry the happiness of tears, but..just be the sorrows of tears. Sometimes.. wanna forget a person , but can not forget.. Sometimes ..suddenly look back and recognize that..noone is by my side in this life .. But.. Really This life is still going on.. Really Such is life Really still hurt Really still cry Really still pain Really still waitting each a day Really still the spasms of pain coming to me Really still be the truth and I never ever tell lie you
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To a special person
Thank you for everything. Thank you for the things you did for me. Thank you for the words you said, thank you for the love you gave and give me.Thank you for ur friendship.Thank you, ´cause you made my life more beautiful. Your magic turned sadness to a smile. And your smile turned my heart into a moment of completeness.
And all I can do is to thank you. So listen: I thank you every day in my mind, everytime I listen to your voice and to your laughter everytime i read your mails .I will keep all that concern u, I promise u I will keep all. I promise u that I will be happy.... I am so sorry coz i should say Goodbye . But you are forever be my closest friend , my important person u know ? I will never forget you Skiyajudeen.I will never forget our friendship , memories, all... Pls understand me and forgive me Skiyajudeen...
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Tell me.
Sometimes … still cry for something that seems to be forgotten….sometimes still dream about a complete happiness … then still wake up in hurt …… It doesn’t rain but the eyes are … tears dropping…. Street here is crowded but why … still lonely feeling … It stopped raining not means that it is sunny … not sad now not means that I forgot you…… A grain of sand can be swept away by waves…… A raindrop also can be burst …. A leaf can leave its branch by winds….. a star also can stop shining by night louds…. A sunlight can become soft and sweet for sunset …. A heart can stop breathe for loving….. All can start and everything also can stop…… I l... I lo... I lov... I love... I love y... I love yo... I love you...
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Something
How? Whats everything? ..Sometimes I feel afraid ,I don’t want to come back again to read my thoughts again, I fear…I fear me myself…my thoughts… my feelings…it seems to make me sad more . I also feel afraid of reading when my friends ‘s entries that sad the same me…
Some friends ever asked me why all of ur entries were full of sorrows and sadness ?? Always pessimistic about all…Why have u still now felt sad much like that ?
My dear friends…no, really I don’t feel sad now. I don’t. How can I feel hurt much more?? When all seem to be too enough for me. It seems coz of too much sorrows and unhappiness all make me feel nothing, it becomes the same malcontent and no need anything now….But if someone asked….ya , if someone say with me “ are u crazy gal ?” Yes I am_I will answer.I remember maybe there is a person asked me and I answered like that, but after that I looked down and tears dropped….I ever one time said to my beloved that I feel nothing from now, no jealous, no angry, no hurt, no happy, no sad , nothing…even I feel no pain both in body and heart either…all emotionless… but really deep inside my heart, behide the words I said to him I was crying… Even my tears now seems to not be able to shed coz of too hurt…I don’t know , I don’t know…. But now I am not sad my dear friends…
Really I am not seeking attention although I am really lack of it, am not asking for care either, I am not asking console when everybody know about me although I need … I afraid … I afraid and hate the feelings of pity from someone with me. I also know very well that If someone come to me or talking or make friend with me and when they know my thoughts , my life, my sadnesses, even when I let them to read my blog, then surely that they leave me… They was maybe afraid making with a person like me. I know . And I also know I lost my someone…
Then just only blog is like the way I myself console me. Do u know there are manything we cannot or shouldnot say…..Should not expose them …our thoughts, our private things… But I did it.
Someone ur friends that really love u they can sympathize and console u. Some others don not love u they will laugh at u. Some one that hate u they will be glad when known that u are in such difficulies situations. Also some others they feel pity for u. Some others they just think : Oh my God, this person just always complain ( than than trach phan)….too tired to read to listen…this person seems to be crazy…”
Ya there are many kinds of people, many different thoughts, I know. Even some people can think that I am a crazy gal. Ya …good thoughts…bad thoughts from everybody. I know very well everybody’s thoughts. And when I decided to creat a blog in rediff I know I myself can write all the thoughts out, even about myself without shy. Because I always think that I never do bad things to anyone, never disturb anyone….just coz maybe I feel lonely a little, I feel want to share any feelings, or coz of am too sensitive about everything around me…And I donnot care everybody can laugh at me if they wish….
During the past time I received many emails from friends in rediff. They seem to be good people. Thanks again for caring all of friends here gave to me. I felt friendship, sincere and love here. That is a part of my happinesses.
By the way I am sorry with some of friends that I couldnot reply message or not accept to add as friends … but pls remember that I love all of you here, all of u are my friends.
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Emotions
Guys drink to forget about the girl.. Girls drink to think back about the guy.. Guys can forget, but cannot forgive.. Girls can forgive, but cannot forget.. Guys care the most about the quantity of love.. Girls care the most about the quality of love.. Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl.. Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man.. Guys feel curiosity towards all girls.. Girls feel curiosity towards guys who care interested in her.. When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl.. When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy.. Guys wish to be her first love.. And girls wish to be his last.
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Sterben für dich.
Ich lebe für dich.
Ich ertrinke in dir.
Doch deine Augen sehn weg wenn ich mich in dir verlier.
Unerreichbar nah spielst du mit mir.
Spürst du das nicht?
Rette mich...
Ich würde sterben für dich.
Sterben für dich.
Warum siehst du das nicht?
Ich würde sterben für dich.
Sterben für dich.
Warum fühlst du nicht wie ich?
Du tust mit so weh.
Dieser Schmerz ist dein Fluch.
Doch um Hilfe zu flehn da fehlt mir der Mut.
Berühr meine Hand und alles wird gut.
Doch du tust das nicht.
Rette mich...
Ich würde sterben für dich.
Sterben für dich.
Warum siehst du das nicht?
Ich würde sterben für dich.
Sterben für dich.
Warum fühlst du nicht wie ich?
Ich würde sterben für dich.
Warum, warum, warum fühlst du das nicht?
Warum liebst du mich nicht?
Spürst du das nicht?
Ich würde sterben nur für dich.
( Für Meine liebe DCD)
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A time to die...
Why? Why? Tell me …Everyday I miss u .When I wake up, u are in my mind first. When I sleep u are in my dreams. When I do something u are alsoin my mind always. When I see anyone I thought about u, imagine that was you. When I go on the street u are in my mind.In everywhere I have u in my mind….Why ?? Why u could talk with anyone but me ? Why u could go out with those gals but me ? Why u could love them but me ? Why u could sms to them but me ? Why u could make a call to them but me ? Why u could attend their calls but me ? Why u could love and accept and wish their friendship but me ? Why u didn’t make a call to me? Why u never ever sms to me first ? Why u never ever mail me first ? Why u never want to talk with me face to face ? Even u ever said that we are only friend , but even it is not friendship coz friendship is not like that. U ignored me always….. Even we never ever meet to talk face to face once in our life. I wonder how long time we talked, it has just 3 mins no more when we met at that shop. You never ever care for me , never ever interested in me , never ever thought of me …. I have nothing , I have no money, no job, no rich like them, no beautiful, no clever, no good , no humorous…. I only have sadness, I am few of words, I don’t know joking, I cant make u feel comfortable and joy, I didn’t know how to talk, I am a bad person right da? … I forever will not be able to forgive myself and u as well. I cant forgive. I don’t want to understand and answer the “why” questions by myself. But my beloved, you are the first person, u are the only one in this life I wanna share, wanna love , wanna closer. Only you can make me happy , only u can make sadness disappear in my life, only u I accept…. Why ? Why? I cant be the same any other gals, I cant . I cant live like nothing happened in my life. Coz u appeared in my life, U are my happiness but now u are also my sorrow. Time cant heal anything for me. Cant. I know that. I am not a gal like any other gal. Is it the same a funny story da? Everybody laughing at me . You are laughing at me too.Ur mother ever told me about you, even about the gals followed u and the?gals u went out with.. It made me sad. It was not mean that you are the person the same ND said ever. You?are completely fine. And you could accept and love those gals...? ? Do u know I felt and always feel the feelings to be contempted, I am nothing to you, even only a friend. Why u never put u on my situation to understand how I am feeling…. Always when I think of u I cried, although I don’t wanna cry but my tears still dropped coz I feel shy, feel hurt much much much much…. Now everyday I only can know u still there exist when I check blog and see ur feed still acting….I know u never know about my this blog in rediff, never known....My beloved , I really wan to know how are u? How is ur mom ? How is ur work? How is everything? Where are u now ? Are u happy? U ever said me that u was in happy . I know you was in happy , I know u had a love with someone, a gal maybe….I only can cry. Why u could not save a litte time to understand me much more ? Why u could not come to me even only once? Why u could not think about me even only a little ? Why u was like that? What I have to do now? ? What I have to do now? I wanna talk with u , I wanna share with u only, I wanna be with you. I miss you very much always. I don not care what everyone say , I don’t care what they think. I am me. I need you and love you all my life. ?
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To everything there is a season, is it really?
From The Holy Bible (King James Version)
Attributed to King Solomon To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and
a time to die;
a time to plant, and
a time to pluck up
that which is planted;
A time to kill, and
a time to heal;
a time to break down, and
a time to build up;
A time to weep, and
a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and
a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and
a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and
a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and
a time to lose;
a time to keep, and
a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and
a time to sow;
a time to keep silence, and
a time to speak;
A time to love, and
a time to hate;
a time of war; and
a time of peace. ( My beloved, I dont want like that, I dont want .)
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